


A Remedy for Old Injuries

by alittlelesspain



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:27:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13439682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlelesspain/pseuds/alittlelesspain
Summary: Astra gets a second chance at life, when it is discovered that she’s being held captive by Cadmus, instead of dead at Alex’s hands as thought, and Alex brings her out. When a chance event reveals that the two of them are soulmates, Alex isn’t so sure that it will work out, for the two of them have many demons to get past. But, with Astra committed to a change of path, and Alex committed to keeping an open mind about her, both of them realize that they have more to offer each other than they had ever dreamed.A story about how Alex and Astra find their way to each other, and to happiness.





	A Remedy for Old Injuries

**Author's Note:**

> I know I generally write crack or AU for these two, but I wanted to stretch out of my comfort zone, and try something a little more serious this time, a look into how they could find their way to each other within their canon frame and characterization.

**I**

When Alex wakes up, the overhead lights in the DEO ward are indecently bright, and there’s a searing pain down her right arm, that intensifies when she braces herself against the bed to sit up.

“Fuck.” she mumbles out, blinking as she tries to take in the familiar surroundings of the medical bay. A bit too familiar these days, with the increased instances of Cadmus activity sending her out into the field regularly.

“You are awake.” comes the clipped voice from the side of the bed, very unlike the panicked and angry tones of Kara that Alex had been anticipating.

Alex’s breath catches mid-groan from another stab of pain, and she stubbornly schools the grimace on her face to a non-expression, before turning to face the speaker.

“You.” she says, taking in Astra’s face.

Alex has only seen Kara truly tired a few times, like when her sister had spent a straight seven days awake editing Catco’s September issue, after the editorial director had walked out. Astra looks like that now, her pristine facial features marred by tired lines under her eyes and around her mouth.

“Your director allowed me to stay until you woke up.” Astra says, answering Alex’s unasked question of how J’onn had ever allowed Astra into the DEO, when the woman has categorically rejected all of the DEO’s attempts at outreach, even after she had given up her cause.

“I’m awake now.” Alex says.

Astra doesn’t take the hint, although her eyes narrow in a way that suggests she surely understood it.

“You were clever.” she says instead, eyes roving over Alex’s body. “Coming up with the plan to take out Lord’s bastardized Myriad signal at its source. But, climbing up the signal tower yourself with the disruptor, and putting yourself in the line of attack from all angles? That was stupid, Agent Danvers.”

Alex scowls. Are the eyes studying her body cataloguing every injury? Taking note of every bruise that illustrates just how short Alex falls of the invulnerable Kryptonian ideal? Is that why Astra is frowning?

“The DEO had snipers stationed all around the place.” she points out.

“Not a single one of them was fast enough to take down the android that Maxwell Lord sent to attack you.” Astra says.

No, it had been Astra who had taken that android down.

“Astra.” Alex begins, unable to be patient with this chastising, when every muscle in her body is screaming with injury. “You can gloat all you want, but the truth is that I wouldn’t have been climbing that tower if Lord’s Myriad signal hadn’t been installed there, and he wouldn’t have been able to install it if you hadn’t come up with the original Myriad in the first place.”

“Concern isn’t the same thing as gloating.” Astra retorts, tense in a way that has Alex’s body riled up too. “And I am aware of my shortcomings in this regard, but I’m equally aware that it was your General Lane whose brilliant idea it was to hand Myriad over to that warmonger at Lord Technologies, to see if he could dismantle it.”

Alex’s sits back in the bed, lips pursing of their own accord. Because, that is what all this boils down to, isn’t it? Astra might have given up her cause, but there is still a war of ideology between her and the DEO, and everyone has picked a side except Kara, whom Alex is starting to think of as the only sensible person in this entire mess.

And this was before the nonsense about her and Astra being soulmates had been revealed. The chance reveal of a matching pair of scars on hers and Astra’s body, that had turned Alex’s world and expectations upside down.

“We can sit here and throw blame back and forth at each other all night, brave one.” Astra says, as if reading her throughs. “But, that doesn’t change the fact that you almost died.”

Dead, if Astra hadn’t saved her. If Astra hadn’t covered her ascent to the tower, all the while trying to dodge kryptonite bullets.

“So what?” Alex asks bitterly. “Come to check up on your soulmate, Astra? Well, I’m alive and still breathing, despite all my ‘human frality.’ You can go away satisfied now.”

“You know I can’t.”

There are those soulful eyes looking back at her again, making Alex feel like something... like something _more._ Astra had looked at her like that before, the first time she met her, when that finger had slid down her cheek as if Astra couldn’t even help herself. Or that time in Kara’s apartment, when Astra had stepped closer and looked at her like that, and Alex had lost her mind a little, had thought in some foolish haze of wishful thinking that Astra could be talked into surrendering.

All that got Alex was regrets and nightmares, and she’s not making the same mistake twice.

“Go away, Astra.” she mutters, looking down into her huddled feet.

She doesn’t know if she’s disappointed or not, when there’s the rustle of fabric, signifying that Astra has got up. A whoosh of air follows the sound, and when Alex looks up, there’s no one else in the ward with her.

She gets the pleasure of staying in the ward for a whole week after that, bullied into accepting her fate by Kara and J’onn. It’s a little hard to be grumpy, though, when Kara drops in with burritos from her favourite food truck every afternoon, and regales her with stories of how just many employees that Cat Grant had sent scuttling out of her office in terror that day. Between that, and Vasquez sneaking her tidbits on all the interesting missions, Alex finds herself actually appreciating the break from what had been a very hectic five months, ever since Cadmus had first begun their attacks on National City.

It is during the nights spent in the ward, though, when Alex is at her most exhausted, too tired to keep her eyes awake, that she feels a presence in the chair next to her bed, given away by the regular breathing and occasional rustle of clothing. It’s obvious who it is, of course, but Astra never initiates conversation with her, after that first time when Alex had woken up.

\---

 

**II**

It could have stopped there, and they could have remained strangers to each other, tied together only by their link to Kara. Something inside Alex snaps, though, when she returns to her apartment after the stay at the DEO ward, and Astra swoops in almost as soon as she enters, with a DVD in one hand and a container of food in the other.

Alex steps back, wariness warring with the warmth in her chest that had automatically unfurled at the concept of someone waiting at home for her. Which is bad, because this isn’t _someone._ This is Astra, whom Alex had once put a sword through, and who had returned from near-death to send Alex’s life spinning.

“I know you’d probably prefer to sleep.” the cause of her mental agony speaks. “But, I thought you might want some food before you headed off to bed.”

Astra’s voice is calm, solicitous even, with no hint that she remembers their argument at the ward from a week ago.

Alex closes her eyes as throws her bag down on the couch, trying to drown out the voice of Astra explaining the DVD as something that Kara had sent over with her.

“Stop.” she says eventually, into Astra’s stream of words. “Astra, just stop.”

Astra pauses.

“Is it the spaghetti?” she ventures. “Do you prefer something else? Or is it the choice of entertainment? Kara tells me your taste in tv shows is quite horrifying.”

“No!” Alex says frustratedly. “No, I mean this whole- this domestic goddess thing.”

“I am doing this once, Alex.” Astra says dryly. “Because you are injured, and Kara has work, and she wanted me to check on you.”

“I don’t need you checking on me, just because Kara thinks I need a babysitter.”

Astra’s shoulders roll slightly and she turns towards the balcony door, the intent to leave clear on her face. Which just makes Alex angrier, so she stalks forward to confront her.

“Some scars on our body marked us out as a match for each other, and suddenly you’re trying to cosy up to me?” she demands, standing between Astra and the balcony door.

When Alex had found Astra half-dying in a Cadmus cell, and had brought her out, she had not expected to see that matching scar on Astra’s body, as the Kryptonian lay healing in a sunbed at the DEO. That scar, in the shape of a distorted star, had been wound around Astra’s left hip, a mirror image of the one on Alex’s right. Alex had gaped at it, and Astra’s exhausted form had studied her astonished gaze, had looked down to see what it had been fixated on, and when their eyes met again, there had been a light of recognition in the grey-green ones.

“You didn’t listen to me on that rooftop, Astra.” Alex growls. “I had to stab you to get you to stop. And now, suddenly everything is okay, because some stupid scar says that we’re supposed to fall in love?”

She had wrapped that sword up in black tape, hilt and all, when she had got back to the DEO that night, after the stabbing. She had thrown it away into a junk heap in the deepest depths of the DEO’s armory, where no one would ever be able to find it again, not even Alex herself.

It had still found its way into her nightmares, though.

“Soulmates.” Astra corrects her now.  “It says we’re supposed to be soulmates.”

Alex steps close to Astra, drawn to the gravity of those intense eyes, that are dark now, reflecting the lack of light in the room.

“So, what’s the plan?” she asks quietly. “Woo me with a few damsel-in-distress rescues, some food, and suddenly we’re ok, and I’m supposed to fall into your arms?”

“Do you _want_ to fall into my arms?” Astra asks cryptically. “And I’ve never considered you the damsel-in-distress type, Agent Danvers. After all, you took out a Hellgrammite the first time I met you.”

She hasn’t stepped back, but Alex hadn’t expected her to. Alex doesn’t know whether she herself wants to run away, or step even closer, do something to wipe that unruffled expression off of Astra’s face, make something more substantial spark in those deep-set eyes.

“What’s your plan, Astra?” she reiterates.

“Alex.” Astra snaps, her patience finally fraying, it seems. “I spent twenty five years in solitary imprisonment in Fort Rozz, and another ten after that in a loveless union with Non. Do you really think that I’m brimming with desire all of a sudden, just because I met you? This is not about... about... I am not here to force your hand into anything physical, if that’s your fear.”

She seems to be almost pouting in her fit of pique, brows inclined in near-disbelief.

“Fine.” Alex hisses, not knowing whether she’s comforted or insulted by this. “What reason could you possibly have for following me around, then? God knows you’re not interested in joining the DEO.”

“Would you join Cadmus, knowing what they did to your father?” Astra asks simply.

“But, you still come to bail us out sometimes.” Alex says, voice faltering as she really puts that into perspective, with the new insight that Astra’s words have triggered in her.

“I help _you.”_ Astra corrects her.

“So, now you care about me?” Alex asks, knowing she has no right to feel this hurt, but feeling it anyway. “Because we’re soulmates, you suddenly care? Because we’re supposed to fall in love, or get married, or whatever this soulbond thing determines that we have to do?”

“It’s not simply about love, Alex.” Astra sighs. “It doesn’t have to be about love, at all. Of the kind you are thinking of, at least.”

“Bullshit.” Alex challenges. Can’t Astra see that’s worse?

“I helped you dismantle Lord’s signal because I knew your soldiers wouldn’t be fast enough to get to you before that tower toppled over, and your sister was still busy fending off a brainwashed Infernian.” Astra says. “I made food for you today because I knew it was your first night back, and that you likely didn’t have anything at home. What about this makes you suspect that I have nefarious ulterior motives?”

“The part where I don’t understand why you would possibly have any other reason for doing this.” Alex says.

“What about the reason that soulmates are about more than just romance, or physical desire?”  Astra asks. “A soulmate isn’t some expedited path to marital bliss. It’s more about supporting each other, protecting them. Making life easier for them, by being by their side.”

“Like when I stuck a sword through your ribs?” Alex asks. “What part of that was making life easier for you?”

A small smile, a mere upward twitch of lips.

“You must admit that dying does tend to relieve one of life’s troubles.”

“Astra.” Alex growls.

“We were enemies then, Alex.” Astra sighs. “And I am still alive, which is more than I can say I deserve.”

“Stop that.” Alex says, something sharp and twisted lacing through her at those self-destructive words, a feeling that she tells herself is birthed out of concern for Kara, and _nothing else_. “Don’t... don’t say things like that.”

“It’s the objective truth.” Astra says. “If you insist, though, consider that you brought me back from Cadmus even though you could have just left after rescuing your father. Consider that you spoke on my behalf to prevent General Lane from arresting me again. Consider that you allowed me the chance to be reunited with Kara.”

“It’s not like I could have just left you at Cadmus.” Alex protests. “And Kara wouldn’t have been happy, if I let General Lane take you away.”

“Is that why you did it?” Astra asks, and she doesn’t even sound curious. “If Kara didn’t care, would you have let that man arrest me?”

“No.” Alex admits after a long pause. “General Lane is... he’s everything wrong with our system. I wouldn’t have ...not you...not _anyone-_ ”

She trails off, feeling too damn tired to make sense, not when faced with everything that Astra always wakes up in her.

“One more thing.” Astra says.

Alex looks away, not sure if she can take more of this.

“Just one more.” Astra insists. “I care about your well-being because I got to know you, not because I realized that you were my soulmate. How could I not care for the person who protected Kara for all these years, who brought me out of Cadmus, and showed me what it truly means to save this world?”

“That wasn’t me.” Alex says. “That was Kara.”

“Kara reminded me of who I am.” Astra corrects her. “But it was you who extended an olive branch when you had no reason to. Who had faith in me, though I had done nothing to deserve it.”

“You helped me save Kara from the Black Mercy.” Alex mumbles, looking down. “That was enough to deserve it.”

She wonders if Astra even knows how her words come across. She wagers it’s something lost in translation between her native Kryptonian and Alex’s English. Still... Alex sighs. She hadn’t really expected their confrontation to lead to this. She hadn’t expected the taciturn general to be this forthcoming. She figures that Astra is owed something in return.

“Remember when Rhea had Kara under the Kryptonite, and the DEO couldn’t get there fast enough?” she asks.

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you were fast enough.” Alex admits. “I’m glad you bought Kara enough time to take Rhea down.”

“I’m glad, too.”

Astra’s tone is uncharacteristically soft. It’s soft like when Alex has overhead her speaking to Kara. She’s never heard Astra speaking that tenderly to anyone else. The observation sends Alex over the edge, tiring out her protesting brain when she tries to figure out what business Astra has to be speaking to her like that.

Nope. No more thoughts, not right now.

“Astra.”

“Yes?” comes the immediate and attentive answer.

“I’m sorry.” Alex says. “About Krypton.”

She doesn’t know why she says it, except that she thinks maybe Astra needed to hear it, like Kara had once needed to hear it.

Astra blinks and looks away really fast, before looking down, her mass of hair curtaining her face from view. Alex bites her lips, and realizes that this is what has clinched the decision for her.

“I’m gonna ask you to do something.” she says. “But, I need you to not read into it.”

Astra tilts her head up curiously after a few moments, and the muscles of her face are twitching, but she only nods.

“Hug me.” Alex says simply, taking another step so that she’s right up against Astra, bodies a hair’s breadth apart.

Astra complies more readily than Alex had expected. There is something undeniably wonderful about her embrace, about the solid way that she presses her arms around Alex’s body, and the strength of her back when Alex brings her own arms around it. When she pulls Astra in tighter, Alex can feel the other woman sink into the crook of her neck, almost sagging against Alex’s frame. It feels... good. Like how Kara’s hugs or her mom’s feel, but different too. It feels like, as long as Astra is holding her this tightly, a little over the threshold of pain, the parts of Alex’s soul that seem to be flying out of her with every mission can be sucked back in, and held tight in the gravity of that embrace.

Alex hears a sigh when they finally pull back, and realizes that it’s from her. Astra simply seems bored, watching her through half-lidded eyes. No, Alex realizes. That’s her own unfamiliarity with Astra’s facial expressions talking. She thinks this drowsy gaze might actually be what passes for contentment, with Astra. Studying it, Alex knows that the decision of what she’s about to do has already been made in her head, had been made before she had even initiated the embrace.

“I’m not going to bed yet, Astra.” she says. “I feel too restless for that, and I missed my comfy couch. I’m going to catch up on Eastworld. You’re welcome to leave. If you want to stay, though, we can share the couch, and you can even hide your head in the pillows like Kara, if it gets too gory for you.”

In response, Astra hands over the plate of pasta to Alex, and moves over to hog the right side of the couch.

“The other side.” Alex amends. “I usually take the right side.”

“That cannot possibly be so important to you.” Astra grumbles, but she shifts anyways. “And I will not be hiding my face in any pillows. Your human entertainment cannot have anything more intimidating to show me, than what I’ve already seen.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Alex says. “Tell that to your niece. She ran out of the room when the guy’s head was cut off last episode.”

“She gets that from my sister’s side of the family.” comes the bland reply.

Alex looks up, ready with the obvious retort, when she catches the gleam in Astra’s eyes.

Oh, okay. Astra is joking around with her. That’s fine. Like the looks and all that intense physicality wasn’t enough, now Astra’s also got some kind of dry wit going on. That’s fine, Alex thinks moodily. Why would fate or Rao or what-the-fuck-ever have thought to make this easy for her?

Her head is still a mess, spinning with her confusion about the situation, and her conflicted thoughts about the woman sharing her couch. Soon, however, Alex finds herself too distracted by what’s on the screen, to pay too much attention to her mess of thoughts. She gets engrossed enough in the story that Astra just fades into the background, a steady and alive presence beside Alex.

Only once does Alex gets distracted, when she remembers to check in on Kara, as she is wont to do whenever Kara pulls the rare night shift at Catco. Before she even takes out her phone to text her, though, a quiet voice speaks from the other side of the couch.

“She is fine. She’s in the building that your cat queen holds dominion over. I can hear her heartbeat from here.”

Alex turns her attention back to the show, acknowledging the words with a nod only. There’s blood flying on the screen from two decapitated limbs, there’s some really good splatter effects, and there’s the sound of Astra’s regular breathing washing over her like some kind of sleeping drug.

It’s just offbeat enough for Alex to be okay with this.

\---

 

**III**

Alex learns a whole new definition to “taking work home” when she finds herself ambushed by Cadmus operatives in her own apartment, during a movie night with her sister.

One moment she had been grumbling to Kara, during a commercial, about a research paper that she had been unable to access-

“I put in a request through government channels to bypass their non-disclosure policy, and even then they’re gonna make me wait for it. It’s not like I’m going to go public with it or any-”

\- and then the window is shattered, shrapnel of glass flying everywhere as three Cadmus operatives rappel in, shooting at Kara’s bulletproof body shielding her sister.

The fight lasts only a few adrenaline-filled minutes. After Maxwell Lord’s shenanigans, Alex had taken steps to prepare for another incident where a hostile would track her to her home. She has just taken out one agent by kicking out the coffee tables at this ankles, and incapacitated another after grabbing the gun taped behind her couch, when Kara bangs the last one into the wall, knocking him out cold.

“Ugh.” Alex says, avoiding the bits of plaster and plywood that come flying back on impact. “Thank god HR agreed to co-pay my insurance after my third year at the DEO.”

Of course, that is when yet another flying apparition would choose to crash in through the already broken window. Alex mentally estimates just how steeply her damages premium is going to rise next year, as Astra lands on the broken glass already scattered on the floor, hair flying wild and jaw clenched.

“Kara!” she is saying. “Alexandra, I-”

She stops to take a look at the debris on the floor, and at Alex moving to ziptie the last of the hostiles, while Kara finishes her alert call to the DEO.

“Oh.” Astra finishes, and Alex would almost consider the expression on her face sheepish. “You’ve taken care of it already.”

Alex nudges her until she gets out of the way of the broken glass, so that she can sweep it away. As she works, she sees Astra go over to her niece, helping her brush away the dust from the cushions and right overturned chairs. It looks very strange to see her doing cleanup in her military uniform. So much so that Alex snorts, and then looks down immediately and continues sweeping, when two heads turn inquiringly towards her.

It’s after J’onn has been informed, the long-suffering apartment manager apprised of the insurance details, and Kara escorted home, that Alex turns back to Astra, who had returned to hover like an ominous shadow through the entire ordeal with her apartment manager.

“I was fine, you know.” she says, without heat to the words. “We were fine.”

“Clearly.” Astra frowns. “But, I had a right to be worried.”

“Right.” Alex says, resisting the sudden urge to shift her weight from one leg to the other.

“Maybe I should stay for the rest of the night.” Astra says, still frowning as she turns to the broken window.

There’s something incongruous about her lethal form standing stiffly in Alex’s living room. She looks intimidating, but Alex suspects that this is just her standard posture when she’s unsure of how to proceed. Between Astra’s clear chagrin at failing at her attempt swooping rescue, and the simple fact that she had _stayed_ , Alex feels incapable of rejecting her offer.

“Fine.” she says, and that one word seems to make Astra’s posture immediately relax. “Make yourself comfortable.”

She passes the meagre remains of pizza in the last box to Astra, before heading off to bed herself, aware of the other woman nosing around her bookshelves, as she exits the living room.

Alex doesn’t remember much of the rest of that night, except that a) She sleeps less fitfully than usual and b) She is vaguely aware throughout the night of murmurs coming from the living room, as Astra narrates to herself portions from the science texts that Alex has committed to memory. It’s better than a lullaby.

When she wakes up the next morning, though, the apartment is silent, and Astra is gone. When Alex shuffles into the living room, the only thing that awaits her there is a cup of rather undrinkable coffee, placed in the exact center of the kitchen table. It’s still steaming.

Alex pours it down the kitchen sink before making herself a proper cup, embarrassedly aware of the smile sneaking its way across her face.

\---

 

**IV**

Alex knows a lot of things about Kara that other people don’t. One of those things is that Kara likes to do something big each year on the day that she had landed on Earth. Alex also knows that there are some other days that Kara celebrates, analogues of holidays remembered from her destroyed motherland.

There is another day Alex knows about, though, where Kara tends to go off by herself, and is unreachable for most of the day. It isn’t something that Alex had caught on to right away, because the day doesn’t fall on the same date each other, owing to the Kryptonian orbital period being fractionally longer than Earth’s period of 365 days. Alex had only recognized the significance of the day when she had been doing some routines translations of Kryptonian time, while setting up the holographic Alura display.

When the day arrives this year, Alex wakes up to the expected lack of the usual check-in text from Kara. There’s nothing pressing at the DEO that the regular force can’t control, so she simply heads in and covers for Kara’s absence without letting on the true reason. The thought occurs to her a couple of times during the day, of how Astra is feeling, but Alex doesn’t know how to go about approaching that problem. After all, Astra has had twelve years on Earth and 24 years in Fort Rozz prior to then, to ruminate on this very day. What could Alex possibly do for her?

Still, when Alex returns late that night from the labs, Astra is in her living room, pacing restlessly.

“You’re late.” Astra says.

Her tone is snipper than usual. Despite herself, Alex frowns, not one to give in without a fight.

“Since when do I report my hours to you?” she asks. “A plain ‘I missed you’ would have been fine.”

“You’re working more hours than is necessary.” Astra grouses, heat visioning the container of food she had brought, before passing it over to Alex.

She falls silent after that, sitting on the adjacent couch while Alex stuffs herself, practically inhaling the food after forgetting the existence of it the whole day. Her mind is whirring away as she eats, though, wondering what to do. Astra obviously wants something, or she wouldn’t be here.

The thought occurs to Alex that maybe Astra herself doesn’t know what she wants, but has come here anyways. This idea is fortified when Astra simply continues to watch her eat, and gets up from the couch to leave as soon as Alex places the empty box on the table.

“Astra.” Alex sighs, catching a hand as Asra makes to move past her.

There’s a spasm of the wrist, a monstrous force contained in a single movement, before Astra goes still.

“I know what today is.” Alex pursues, unwilling to be deterred.

Astra hangs her head, but she still makes no move otherwise. Alex gets up and moves closer to her, considering her words carefully.

“It’s the day Krypton was destroyed.” she says eventually, opting for the plain truth. “That’s why you’re here, right?”

When there’s a small nod in reply, getting up and folding her arms around Astra feels natural, even if Alex had never initiated another embrace since that first night on the couch.

“That part about soulmates being there for comfort.” Alex says, muffled against the black uniform. “You know that goes both ways right, Astra?”

 _Nothing,_ she had told Astra, when Astra had asked her what their link to Kara made them. It occurs to Alex only now, that she hadn’t been the only one suffering misplaced feelings of rejection from the events of that night. She had been so caught up in her own feelings of inadequacy, at being unable to convince Astra to join them, that she had never even thought about what Astra had taken away from their meeting in Kara’s apartment.

“Alexandra-”

Her full name, some attempt at putting distance between them.

“No.” Alex says firmly. “It works both ways, Astra, or it doesn’t work at all.”

She isn’t surprised by the touchiness, when Astra brings her arms around her to complete the hug. Astra had already been disconcertingly unaware of personal space even when they had first met, and that hasn’t changed after they had discovered the soulbond. Still, Alex is a little startled when Astra starts moving them back, backing her into a seating position on the couch.

When Alex tenses for something else, Astra simply kneels down and presses her head against her stomach. She doesn’t do anything further, or even make a nose. At best, Alex thinks she feels two pinpricks of wetness on her shirt, as if from tears quickly stifled. She lays a tentative hand on that wild thicket of hair burrowing into her shirt, and brushes fingers through it as best as she can, wondering if one day it will get easier for them to open up about their feelings.

“I’m sorry, Astra.” she murmurs, repeating the same words they had shared on the subject before. “I really am.”

The words are nowhere near enough ,but she can’t think of anything better, so she says them anyways, as a gateway to something more meaningful in the future. To something simply... more.

That notion doesn’t seem as unbelievable as it once did.

\---

 

**V**

Astra is incompetent with Earth technology in the same way that a human from the 21st century would be incompetent with operating technology of centuries ago. Alex has heard some rumours about this from Kara, but she gets first hand evidence of this when Astra calls her over to look at a juicer that had apparently not been working as promised. Or so Astra informs her, in an aggrieved voice.

Alex spends some moments carefully fishing out mangled pieces of metal out of the bottom of the juicer, before looking up at Astra.

“Ok, what did you do this time?” she asks.

“I did as it asked in the manual.” Astra says, mouth pursed and eyebrows drawn together into a perfect valley. “I pressed the crusher like it said.”

Turns out Astra is one of those people who actually reads the manuals front to back. Except that the manual - and the product - is not tailored for someone of Kryptonian strength. “Press with moderate strength” is very different for a Kryptonian, as opposed to a human.

“Of course I didn’t press with moderate strength.” Astra says, when Alex inquires if that could be the reason behind the juicer breaking. “I merely used a fraction. I do have common sense, Alex.”

“Well, it looks even a fraction of your strength is enough to break the inner mechanism of this thing beyond repair.” Alex says, with another stare at the juicer. “What were you even going to do with this? Since when do Kryptonians need to worry about eating healthy? I’ve only lived with a walking trash compactor for half my life.”

Astra says something in a low and rushed tone, about the importance of humans staying hydrated, and how destructive too much coffee can be for the human body. Alex blinks. _Oh._

Before she can get a word in edgewise, though, the clearly embarrassed Astra moves on, turning the rant to one of her favourite subjects: the many shortcomings of human technology, and how nothing ever seems to work intuitively. It is in the middle of Astra’s diatribe against power plugs and unsafe grounding mechanisms, that Alex blurts out the words.

“Move in with me.”

That stops Astra cold.

“What?”

As always, the intense stare of those gray-green eyes focused on her initiates a fight-or-flight response in Alex. This time, as usual, she chooses fight.

“You’re basically there most of the time anyway.” she presses. “Or at Kara’s.”

“Not always.” Astra hedges, looking a little defensive.

“You’re at my apartment every night when I get home, Astra.”

“That is because you’ll forget to eat something substantial, unless I bring you food.”

“Well, think about it this way.” Alex quips. “The grocery trips will be a lot shorter now. And it’s going make my life a lot easier if I don’t have to drive all the way to your place, whenever you set an appliance on fire. You can just destroy mine instead.”

“You’re making light of this, but this sort of step was significant even on Krypton.” Astra says severely.

It’s hard for Alex not to take the words as a rejection, and retreat. She rethinks it, though, looking at the severity from a different angle. Is this Astra’s way of making sure that she isn’t being pressured into this?

“Astra, I _like_ seeing you at my place in the evenings.” she says, choosing her words carefully, and trying not to promise more than she can give. “I think I’ll like seeing you there in the mornings, too.”

When Astra finally nods, her eyes dim with the falling darkness, making the pinpricks of light in them stand out even brighter.

On the day following the first night of their cohabitation, Alex stumbles out of her bedroom to find the guest room empty and Astra awake, gazing out the windows of the living room. There’s another cup of coffee on the kitchen table, similarly undrinkable to the last time. Alex has to wash it down the sink again, before showing Astra how to properly use the coffee maker.

A few minutes of fiddling later and-

“How about this one?” Astra asks, handing her a fresh mug.

Alex steadfastly ignores the treacherous grounds floating up in the drink, as she inhales it.

“Much better.” she says honestly, after she’s drained the mug at a pace that makes Astra’s eyes widen. “You’ll get there.”

Her eyes flick up to Astra’s resulting smile, and then quickly away. Astra doesn’t comment on it, simply returning her scrutiny to the coffee machine, fiddling with it again.

Standing there, watching the sunlight hit Astra’s back as she studies the inner machinery, Alex thinks that this one probably won’t be going on her - undoubtedly long - list of bad decisions.

\---

 

**VI**

While Astra still steadily refuses to join the DEO, she somehow seems to turn up regardless, whenever Alex and Kara are involved in particularly dangerous missions. While having an extra Kryptonian on hand doesn’t hurt their chances, at times Alex gets annoyed by the overprotectiveness on display.

“I had him.” she insists, as she walks into her living room during the early hours of dawn, and wearily throws her coat over the couch.

She had been engaged that night in a high-stakes hand to hand - or rather, knife-to-claw - combat with a displaced Rotorian, a fight she had been slowly but inevitably losing, until Astra had burst in between them and subdued the alien long enough to get him under control.

“You did not have him.” Astra retorts. “You were moments away from your shooting arm being incapacitated.”

“I can shoot just fine with the other one.” Alex says moodily, making a beeline for the bathroom.

Despite her words, when Astra brushes past her to the guest room, evidently intending to give her some privacy, Alex stalls her by curling a hand around her upper arm.

She should let Astra go, to read or watch TV or whatever she does during the night hours while Alex sleeps. Alex feels restless, though, her heart rate still elevated from the adrenaline of the mission. On the rare occasions that Astra actually falls asleep, she has heard disquieting noises coming from the guest bedroom, and because of that, she thinks that maybe Astra will understand.

“Stay with me.” Alex asks her, before heading in for her wash.

When she returns from the bathroom, Astra is in her bedroom as requested, quiet but with watchful eyes, as Alex strips into her sleeping shirt and shorts. When Alex slides into bed, Astra takes up position opposite her, just like how they sit on the couch together. She doesn’t follow Alex under the blankets, though, lying awkwardly on top of them like she isn’t sure what to do.

Alex doesn’t really know what to tell her. She hadn’t really thought much farther than that she needed the proximity, and that Astra was the one she wanted it offered by. She can’t help her hands from scrabbling over the bedsheets, unable to find purchase or peace.

She should be used to the bloodshed by now. Fighting with guns and blasters had put some distance between it and herself. The night’s fight with the Rotorian, however, had been different. Grappling with him knife to claw, feeling her knife twisting in the flesh, the blood spurting out when it had been drawn back out... Alex doesn’t think that she’s going to get over that so quickly.

Astra grabs her questing hand.

“You did what you had to do, Alexandra.” her voice travels over the the blankets, seeing to the heart of the matter, as Alex had hoped she might.

“Like I did to you?” Alex asks quietly.

She shakes her hand free and zips downs Astra’s uniform, which she wears even now. Her hand stalls a little before slipping inside, when she hears Astra’s breath catch, before pursuing her original target. Unerringly, her fingers find the place between Astra’s breasts where the scar from the sword wound should be, tracing the smooth skin there.

Astra just watches her silently, until Alex retracts her hands, flushed.

“You deserved better than that.” Alex says, choked up all of a sudden, despite the awkwardness of the moment.

That second, when she had rammed the sword through Astra’s heart, could have spelled an end to the blinking apparition before her. No Astra who doesn’t know that you’re not supposed to put metal inside a microwave, and who had phoned Alex up over that fiasco, in a tone as close to panic as Alex has ever heard from her. No Astra who smiles softly at her niece when she thinks that she isn’t being watched. No Astra who works every day to live up to her sister’s memory, and to her niece’s hopes for her.

Alex has been angry for a log time, at herself, at her father, at the world in general for being unforgiving. The one thing the world has been forgiving about, though, is Astra. Alex thinks that she could cry from gratitude for that.

“You deserve better.” she repeats, except she’s not really talking about the stabbing anymore.

“I got better.” Astra says, a mischievous tilt to her lips.

Alex stares at her before snorting, and reshifting the blankets around herself into a more comfortable position. She finds herself unable to close her eyes, though, when Astra is curled up opposite her. She feels contradictory, torn between feeling completely at peace like this, and wanting something... else. Some change in the status quo, that Alex knows won’t come without her instigation, but doesn’t know how to go about pulling off either.

While she struggles with it, Astra reaches out and traces down the shadows of her eyes, then over her cheek, so that Alex can feel the calloused thumb rubbing against her skin. The fingers traverse downwards, cupping her jaw for a moment before stroking across her neck, lingering on the sensitive part right under her jawline. They move across her upper chest, dipping into the hollow of her clavicle, and rubbing in circles just above it. Just when Alex thinks that her body might catch on fire if those deft fingers move any lower, Astra retracts her hand. There’s a glint in her eyes, that makes Alex think that she knows exactly what she did.

“You should sleep.” is all Astra says, blinking innocently.

Alex, flushed and breathing hard, is barely aware of making some disjointed response, some nonsense that makes the side of Astra’s lip curl up, which draws attention to her mouth, which really doesn’t make Alex’s situation any better. Her blood is already pumped up from the adrenaline of the mission, and now it’s pumping from something entirely different.

“Sleep, Agent Danvers.” Astra repeats.

Alex stubbornly continues to watch her, unsure of how to proceed, wanting Astra to do something and knowing that she probably won’t. When Astra’s eyes finally close, and her breathing evens out, that’s when Alex lets her own eyelids droop, trying to ignore the suspicion that Astra might have just pretended to sleep.

\---

 

**VII**

Alex has big plans for Catco’s end of the year party, which include working late at the DEO labs, and then indulging herself with fast food when she gets home, ignoring all of Astra’s attempts to point her towards better nutritional choices.

This year, though, it turns out that Kara is due for an award as Junior Reporter of the Year, and Astra wants to attend to see her niece, so Alex is pretty much swept along in the enthusiasm of the two Kryptonians.

Alex braves it through the awards ceremony and dinner, but finds herself utterly exhausted by the time the party heads into the late night shenanigans, with no one seemingly willing to leave early. When a small game of charades starts up around Kara, she plays the first round, cajoled into joining by her sister. When others come into join the next round, though, Alex gladly gives up her place, and escapes out into the grassy lawn outside the hall, eager for some time alone.

She gets a few minutes of silent reflection, before footsteps follow her, tracking with a squelch through the wet grass.

“You left.” is all Astra offers by way of explanation, when Alex turns to face her.

Alex nods. If it were anyone else, she would probably have been annoyed at the interruption, but Astra just stands there staring up into the night sky, skillfully imitating a statue. When she shows no signs of deviating from this behaviour for the better part of a minute, Alex walks over, standing close enough to feel her body warmth, contrasting pleasantly against the night chill.

“What are you watching?” she asks.

“This is an unusually clear night sky for your city.” is all Astra says in reply, still looking up.

Alex remembers that this is a Kryptonian she’s talking to, and that when Astra looks at the sky, she isn’t seeing just pretty points of bright light in the sky, like the rest of them do.

“Is it Rao?” she asks softly, following the direction of the gaze. She has tracked the star’s position during idle nights in the DEO lab, and it should be in that general direction. She can think of nothing else that should hold Astra’s attention so.

Astra looks at her then, and smiles.

“I was just thinking of how proud Alura would have been of Kara, tonight.” she says. “She always said that Kara had the aptitude to join the Thinker’s Guild.”

Alex smiles back, caught in the gravity of the fondness welling up in Astra’s eyes. She seeks to change the subject, unwilling to let the Kryptonian’s thoughts take such a morbid turn if Alex can help it.

“She’d be glad that you’re here for Kara.” she says. “I know I didn’t know her, but if she’s anything like Kara, she would have been.”

Astra’s eyes are bright, when she beams down at Alex.

“She was _everything_ like Kara.” she says. “And a little like you too, brave one. That same indomitable spirit.”

Alex looks away, flushing, but she looks back again quickly, captivated by the rare sight of that full smile on Astra’s face.

“I’m surprised you changed.” she says, indicating Astra’s two-piece dress, which is a far cry from the black uniform that she clothes herself in for the majority of the time.

There’s a bashful set to the way Astra’s head inclines away from her direction.

“Kara asked.” comes the answer. “And Cat provided the dress.”

Alex shuffles even closer, closer enough to nudge Astra to turn back her way.

“I like it.” she murmurs, running her eyes over the night-dark fabric, some shade of dark blue that imitates black in this darkness.

Astra’s soulmark is peeking out slightly in the slit of bare skin between blouse and skirt, and Alex immediately zeroes in on it, unable to tear her gaze away from the thing that’s been taking up more and more of her thoughts in the past weeks. With that dress so far removed from her usual attire, at an event like this that neither of them usually attends, Astra looks different. Like she’s just some stranger that Alex happened to run into at this party. Combined with their setting, it’s making a lot of feelings inside Alex hard to ignore.

“I really like it.” she amends roughly, moving in to hold Astra, feeling a contradiction of sensations as her front mets rough fabric, while her arms sink into the bare skin of Astra’s uncovered back.

Alex simply holds onto her, feeling Astra hide her face in the crook of her shoulder, and breathe in deeply enough for Alex to feel the suction against her skin. It hasn’t been the first time that Alex had thought about this kind of contact, and she decides that enough is enough already. She’s tired of overthinking this, trying to find the best way to approach Astra. She should have just gone with her first instinct. She looks up, closes the final remaining bits of space between them, and presses her mouth against Astra’s.

There are lips frozen against hers for seconds, before parting with a hurried readiness, as if Astra has been waiting for this, even if she hadn’t expected it right then. Maybe that was in fact the case, Alex thinks, unable to get much farther than that conclusion when being kissed into a stupor. She kisses back without finesse, fuelled by the simple need for contact, with this person she has been cohabitating with for the better part of a year, without either of them being brave enough to take the next step forward.

“Alex.” Astra eventually mumbles, inhaling deeply and pushing her back.

Sometimes, when her dad had taken her to the beach in her youth, Alex had gotten to see the sun come up over the waves. Watching Astra’s eyes slowly flutter open reminds her of that experience, and she has to smile when Astra suddenly snaps out of it, and her gaze sharpens.

“Alex.” the word comes out in a mortified whisper. “We’re at Kara’s work function.”

Alex shakes her head and moves back in, licking at the seam of the downturned curve of mouth, trying to get Astra to open for her again.

“She can probably hear us.” Astra insists, getting the words out with some difficulty, considering that Alex’s lips are covering hers.

Alex hums against her mouth, before pressing fleeting kisses to the corners of it. It feels like all her brainpower spent puzzling on this over the past few weeks becomes concentrated into her actions, unable to focus on anything else at the moment, other than the heat of Astra’s body against hers.

“Uh-huh.” she murmurs a distracted one-word reply.

“Alex _andra.”_ The last part comes long and drawn out, as Alex noses soft hair back from Astra’s face and presses more kisses down the side of it, curving over the shell of ear, and licking briefly at the sensitive skin below.

“Fine.” Alex pulls back, after another kiss pressed against a flushed cheek. “Although I seriously doubt anyone in there is paying attention to the two of us out here. Kara gets crazy competitive over charades.”

She looks back at the hall that all the din is coming from, before turning back to the woman in her arms.

“D’you think they’ll notice us leaving? I’ll text Kara after.”

That’s all the hint Astra needs, before Alex is swept home in a rush that is distinctly less coordinated that Astra’s usual smooth carry. When they land, Alex stumbles because of the awkward angle Astra had stopped at. That makes it easier somehow. Like maybe Astra isn’t any more in control of this than her. Alex smiles at the thought of having disoriented the alien general so.

When they do reach her bed, Alex takes her time. She feels no particular hurry now, encased in the familiar territory of their shared space, willing to just sit there and devour the sight of Astra in that dress, which leaves her powerful stomach and muscular thighs on display in a way that Alex rarely gets to see, except when she catches Astra sleeping.

“I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner.” she says, swallowing when her eyes meet Astra’s own, feeling her own heartbeat rising at the naked want she sees in Astra’s eyes, wholly unfettered for once.

When Astra tugs at her impatiently, Alex slips forward, lying down on the Kryptonian’s body, enjoying the slow pulse beating against her ears.

“You were late when you came by to greet Kara this morning, at the DEO.” she says

“I came by to greet both of you.” Astra corrects her. “And I was held up because it took longer than I needed to check on the plants.”

Alex smiles.

“Look at you.” she says, bracing herself on her elbows and looking up to meet Astra’s eyes. “Saving the world one greenhouse effect at a time.”

“They are only early studies.” Astra says. “My research will mean nothing if there isn’t widespread adoption of them, even if it does end up a success.”

“You’ll get there.” Alex says. “We’ll get there.”

She moves up Astra’s body, looking down at the vision below her, and enjoying the warmth built up between their bodies. Astra blinks up at her almost sleepily, eyes half-lidded and bereft of their usual keenness. Her jaw is slightly slack, lips parted.

“I like it when you look at me like that.” Alex tells her, moving her head to one side, enjoying the way Astra’s eyes seem to shift colour when the moonlight shining in through the window hits it. “Like you care.”

“I do.” Astra says, in that soft tone that Alex almost never hears unless they’re alone together, the tone of voice that she’s committed to memory and replays in her head sometimes, to get her through difficult missions and late nights at the DEO.

“And I like when you talk to me about your plant things.” Alex says, trailing her fingers up Astra’s sides, lifting up her blouse as she goes.

“I wouldn’t have got this far without your help with the bioengineering side of it.” Astra manages to reply, though there’s a shift in her voice everytime Alex’s fingers make contact with skin.

“Will you take me with you to the greenhouses next time?” Alex asks, hands stopping to brush Astra’s chest, right below her breasts, tracing the ribs there, which gets all sorts of interesting noises out of Astra. “I kind of want to see them with my own eyes.”

“Alright.” comes the reply, breathy in a way that instantly gets Alex going. “Maybe you can figure out a way to - _unh -_ prevent the chemical erosion _\- mmh, Alex -_ from the greenhouses in the Mojave.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Alex says, but the more she watches the way Astra’s mouth falls open as her fingers move up her body, the more she doesn’t want to talk science anymore.

“Astra.” she says again. “I’m going to do something, and this time, I need you to read into it, ok?”

Astra’s lips quirk up, like she knows what’s coming.

“Alrig-”

She doesn’t get the word out completely, before Alex sinks down to kiss her again, firmly sealing their mouths together. They don’t break the kiss for a long time. Alex resurfaces periodically to gasp for air, but she dives back in, obsessed by the ready slide of Astra’s tongue against her own, at the gentle murmurs against her when they’re simply brushing against each other and with the way Astra’s body pushes into hers with every contact. It’s gentler than she should have ever expected of a fearsome Kryptonian general, but somehow Alex isn’t surprised, any more than she’s surprised by the soft fingers tracing reverently down her cheek.

When she finally does pull back for good, Astra’s eyes are almost fully closed, and it makes Alex laugh to see, which of course has Astra opening her eyes to study her.

“I liked doing that.” Alex tells her. “I just wish I’d done it sooner.”

Astra just stares up at her, jaw twitching and eyes dark, so Alex goes back in, kissing her while her hands continue moving under Astra’s blouse. She rubs her thumb against the side of Astra’s breast obsessively a few times, searching, before realizes that what she’s really feeling for is the scar that should be there.

“It’s gone.” Astra says against her lips. “It healed, Alex.”

Alex just wordlessly lifts the blouse up, and moves down to kiss that spot, loving the gasp she gets out of Astra from that. It’s immediately addictive, a breathy sound that’s a note higher than her usual voice, and Alex licks down her breasts, trying to hear it again. She bites down, and there’s that sound again, making Alex smile against the flushed skin. She does it again, licking in between nips, and the sound subsides into soft gasps and murmurs.

So Astra is a little more vocal than Alex had been expecting. Which Alex feels a bit out of her element to deal with, knowing that those sounds are going to haunt her memory, even if this doesn’t work out. She knows she won’t take any of her actions back though, even if she only gets to do this to Astra this once.

“Tell me who you want.” she requests, overcome by the intense desire to hear Astra vocalize it.

“Alex-”

The way her name is drawn out by Astra in that musical voice is driving Alex all kinds of crazy, but she persists.

“Tell me, Astra. Please.”

“You.” comes the breathy reply, immediate this time. “I want you, Alex.”

And it’s like something inside Alex breaks apart at her words, breaks apart and then fits itself back together in a different way, in a wonderful way. Astra wants _her_ , is consumed by her in the same way that Alex is by Astra.

“You’ve got me.” she says. “Forever, Astra.”

The last of that ends in a gasp, when Astra easily flips her, as if something that been turned on inside her at Alex’s words. There’s a blur of movement, and then Alex is looking up at Astra’s naked body straddling her hips, breathing heavily when she takes in the unfettered lust in the eyes that looks down at her. _Fuck._ Alex knows she won’t be getting over this anytime soon, over that sculpted body and powerful thighs squeezing her waist, that intense gaze that makes it seem as if she’s the only thing Astra sees.

Astra doesn’t lean down to kiss her immediately. Instead, hands come up to stroke down Alex’s cheek, the simplest of touches that has Alex squirming, her entire body immediately coming alive under Astra’s single-minded attention.

“Astra-” she huffs out, whose those fingers cradle her jaw, scratching the sensitive skin there, while Astra watches her intently. “You tease.”

She arches up to capture Astra’s lips again, but Astra evades her and noses down her neck instead, apparently in favour of escalating their makeout session. She licks down Alex’s throat and clavicle without hesitation, but looks up when she reaches the barrier of her dress.

“Is this-” Astra stops and closes her eyes, mouth falling open, as Alex strokes down her chest, thumbs rubbing circles dangerously close to her breasts. With some apparent effort, she finds her words again. “Alex are you alright with th-”

“Don’t stop.” Alex pants. “Don’t you dare, _Astra.”_

She hisses that last part out, because Astra chooses then to just rip her dress apart, apparently deciding that zippers are just too much to deal with. Fine, whatever. It’s not like Alex doesn’t have an array of similar black dresses in her closet. She isn’t about to complain, when Astra is nipping and licking down her chest like that.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this to you.” Astra whispers against her skin, leaving wet imprints that Alex gasping and pushing up into her, desperate for more substantial contact.

“Good thing I finally got you in bed, then.” she pants out. “But, Astra... more, please _.”_

“Alex.” her name again, this time uttered roughly, as Astra takes the hint and moves up, slipping a leg between Alex’s so that finally, _finally_ there is some wonderful pressure right where she needs it. “Alex, I can’t control-”

"You were doing fine until now.” Alex gasps, rocking against the leg, and reaching up blindly for Astra’s lips again. “Just fuck me, Astra. I won’t break.”

The way Astra moves against her is rougher than she’s used to, probably as a result of that Kryptonian strength making itself known, but Alex finds it hard to complain when it’s taking care of the want building up inside her so thoroughly. She squeezes her legs around Astra to give her better access, pressing their bodies closer together, and feels Astra gasp into her mouth. Alex drinks the sound in greedily.

She doesn’t say much after that, except mumbled nonsense against Astra’s lips, as they kiss while Astra moves into her, moving her leg away to work one finger, then two into Alex instead. Alex goes silent then, unable to do much more than cradle Astra’s body against her, while those skillful fingers work inside her, listening to her body and finding the right spots to thrust against.

With Astra in her bed, kissing her, moving inside her, it isn’t long before Alex comes undone, moaning her orgasm into Astra’s mouth, before collapsing back against the bed, Astra following her down.

“Fuck, Astra, that was-” Alex doesn’t finish the sentence, mind too caught up in her high to make sense. She closes her eyes and just feels instead, getting lost in the softness of Astra nosing against her hair, her breath curling hotly down Alex’s jaw.

“Alex, darling-” Astra murmurs against her ear, between a stream of Kryptonese that had been too fast for Alex to understand.

Alex’s eyes snap open.

“What?” she asks.

“Alex, I-”

“Say that again.” Alex demands, reaching up and kissing every inch of Astra she can reach. “Call me that again.”

“Darling.” comes the immediate reply, the two syllables punctuated by a gasp as Alex bites and licks down Astra’s neck. “Alex, my darling, my love, my-”

“Fuck, Astra.” Alex mutters, before guiding Astra’s face back to her own, and kissing her silent. “Be more sweet, won’t you?”

She ignores the murmur of confusion that elicits out of Astra, and tugs her down to change their positions, until the Kryptonian consents to lie under her, looking up with wide eyes.

“I love you.” Alex tells her. “God, I’ve never told you that, have I?”

Astra simply shakes her head, eyes growing even wider. Alex smiles and leans down, taking her time mapping every exposed inch of the Astra’s body with her fingers and lips. She trails marvelling fingers down the hard planes of Astra’s stomach, delighting in the way the muscles twitch and jump on contact. Astra grumbles on cue about her being a tease, but Alex disregards it, intent on making the most of this. Every part of Astra is firm and soft at once, sculpted muscles relaxing under her touch with an alacrity that’s heady.

“I love you.” Alex repeats, leaning down to kiss down the valley of Astra’s breasts, already wet from her prior attentions.

That gets Astra’s fingers fisting into her hair, holding her tight as Alex licks against the heaving skin. The grumbles turns into moans as Alex closes her lips around a nipple, sucking on it while teasing the other one with her thumb. She bites down gently between swirls of tongue, and it’s like Astra’s entire body convulses under her.

“Alex, yes, please-”

Astra sounds entirely gone, slipping between English and Kryptonese incoherently as Alex tugs and sucks. Her fingers tease persistently through Alex’s hair, spurring her to move on, to lick her way down Astra’s torso, leaving no part of skin unlavished with her attention. She spends extra time around the soulmark, sinking her teeth into the soft flesh in a way that causes Astra to buck up into her. A whiny sound escapes Astra, and it has Alex lifting up and seeking her mouth again, devouring the sounds and words that her teasing fingers elicit.

“Like that, yes, oh Rao, _Alex_ -” That last part is uttered when Alex slips inside her, two fingers at once, after cursory strokes against her wet folds to gauge if she could take it.

Alex fucks her like this might be the last time she gets to do it, half afraid that it’s true, that Astra would change her mind by daylight. She pushes into Astra again and again until her fingers are physically hurting, listening to sounds being moaned into her mouth to figure out what angles and places Astra likes. “Rao” and “Alex” are the only things Astra seems capable of saying in return, uttering them in rhythm to Alex’s thrusts, her hair spread out in an absolute mess against the pillow. She’s a vision, and Alex wants to cry, wants to memorize this moment forever, of Astra coming undone under her hands.

She feels utterly lost inside Astra, captivated by the powerful muscles clenching against her fingers, building up a heat that makes her movements more desperate and erratic. Astra doesn’t seem to mind, judging by the way her hands slip down from Alex’s hair to scrabble uselessly against her back, while her mouth feverishly kisses every part of Alex that she can access.

“Astra-” Alex gasps again, when a dexterous tongue curls down the inside shell of her ear. “God, Astra-”

As if triggered by her voice, Astra comes, her entire body shuddering against Alex, hands gripping her back to steady her shaking. Alex pulls out halfway, but keeps moving against her, letting her ride it out, unable to end this moment a second sooner than she absolutely has to. Her hand is going to be sore for days, she can already tell, but every moment of anticipated pain seems worth to stroke against Astra’s folds, feeling her calm down as Alex noses against her neck.

“Alexandra.” Astra mumbles finally, hand coming up to tuck her hair behind her ears, so she can press a soft kiss to Alex’s cheek.

“Yeah?” Alex asks, not understanding why that simple kiss should make her flush so much after everything they’ve done so far.

“I love you too.” Astra says.

Alex smiles.

“Call me darling again.” she murmurs.

“Darling.” Astra says. “Darling Alex, I love you so much.”

Alex closes her eyes and smiles.

“That’s not something I get called often.” she says.

She had long ago resigned herself to the fact that tenderness and romance was something reserved for other people. What was allotted to Alex, she had thought, was a devotion to her job and one-night stands and flings to take the edge off once in a while.

Instead, she got Astra, whom Alex has caught quoting legit poetry at her a couple of times.

“But you are.” Astra insists. “What else could I call you, Alex, when you set my heart at peace in a way that no one else does?”

Alex sinks into Astra’s body, letting that fervent voice wash over her. She feels satisfied in a way that she hasn’t in a long time, and she can feel exhaustion overtaking her want, but has one last request for Astra before slipping away into sleep.

“Don’t leave in the night, if you wake up before me, ok?”

She can feel Astra’s frame moving beneath her, as she nods.

“Alex?” Astra asks, just as she’s losing her battle with sleep.

“Yeah?” Alex asks, stifling a yawn.

“Are you happy?” Astra’s voice is tentative. There are years hiding behind it, years of being the unwanted twin, the spare, the overlooked one. “That this is how it ended up, you with me?”

Alex listens to the slow, robust pounding of the Kryptonian heart that her head is nestled against.

“How could I be happy otherwise?” she asks simply. “I can’t say things all flowery like you, Astra, but this is what I want, and I’m glad I got it.”

“I know-” Astra’s voice is even hesitant. “I know that I’m not always easy to love.”

Alex snorts.

“And you think I am?” she asks, finally looking up to face Astra’s conflicted gaze. “I think it’s fucking serendipity that we found each other.”

She shifts up to wrap Astra in her arms, holding that invulnerable Kryptonian frame with her human one, wanting Astra to understand that it couldn’t be anyone else. Not when Astra is the one who hands her coffee in the mornings, and makes her laugh with her dry wit when they’re watching shows, and who captivates Alex even when they’re arguing with each other over one of the many things they disagree on.

Who makes Alex feels like the opposite of a failure or a mess.

“It’s you, Astra.” Alex repeats. “It could only be you.”

There’s a sigh of contentment from above her at that, and Alex hopes that her words had gotten through. Yes, it had taken them a long, winding and sometimes treacherous path to get here. But here, cocooned in Astra’s arms, being loved by a brilliant woman who looks at her like she’s the sun, she finds that she can’t regret that path.

Not when it brought Astra to her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it :)


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